How to Procrastinate

1.  Keep all your email inboxes and social media sites open all the time.

2.  Check your email often.  Like, every five minutes.  You might just have a Very Important Email to which you need to respond.  Or, equally urgent, you might have notification of a Very Important Blog Post that you must read immediately.  Or a message about a Very Important Sale that you need to check into.

3.  Surf the internet often.  At least every ten minutes.  Who knows what our pesky government is up to now?  Or what the star of your favorite TV show said last night?  Or where Miley Cyrus most recently appeared nude?  It is crucial that we know all these things ten seconds after they have happened.

4. Click onto the Huff Post site.  There's always something to distract yourself with there.

5.  Pretend to meditate.  Falling asleep at your computer nets you bonus points.

6.  Better yet, close your eyes, pretending you are going to think deep thoughts about your WIP (work in progress).  Falling asleep here also is good for more points. Lots of them.

7. Text a friend.  Choose one who you know will answer your texts instantly.  Carry on a lengthy conversation via text.  There's nothing like the ding of a text coming in to distract you from your writing.

8. Do some research.  Yes, it is imperative that you learn the date of the beginning of the Civil War right this very moment.  Even though you're not writing anything remotely historical.  You still need to know.

9. Never, ever, read over your work the night before you get up early to write.  Your characters and plot will be in your head, driving you to open that computer file.   Do not allow this to happen.

10.  Tweet about how distracted you are, then wait for the retweets and responses to come in so you can talk about how awful it is.

11.  Do the crossword puzzle.  Taking time to google for possible answers is good for, you guessed it, bonus points.

12.  Go out for lunch.  Perhaps that friend you were texting with is available?  An added benefit is that if you eat a lot, you'll be too sleepy to work when you return home.

So, those are my top twelve ways to procrastinate.  What are yours?  Please leave a comment!

Photo by Rennett Stowe.

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16 Responses to How to Procrastinate

  1. Zan Marie 10/15/2013 at 13:22 #

    LOL! I resemble this post. 😉

  2. Charlotte Dixon 10/15/2013 at 13:59 #

    Misery loves company.  :-)

  3. Roy 10/15/2013 at 14:26 #

    Additional ways NOT to get your own prose done:

    – Update your web site.
    – Do file maintenance on images for your web site, making them just the right size.
    – Network with literary contacts

    I’m sure I could add more…if I just did not need to get back to my twitter account! :-)

  4. J.D. 10/15/2013 at 17:15 #

    The two of you stole my thunder. But I’m making progress; I’m doing better.

  5. Charlotte Dixon 10/15/2013 at 21:08 #

    Procrastinators gotta stick together!  Glad you are doing better, J.D.

  6. Jessica Baverstock 10/16/2013 at 18:42 #

    13. Cook something that requires frequent trips to the oven to alter temperature and check for doneness.

    14. Inform your child “Mummy will be there in a minute.”

    15. Leave the door to your office/writing room open so that everyone who walks past will feel the urge to talk to you.

  7. Don Williams 10/17/2013 at 07:30 #

    With the exception of points 10 and 11, I confess …… I’m totally guilty of every other point! No problem, however, as I’m definitely planning on stopping procrastinating, starting next week!

  8. Charlotte Dixon 10/17/2013 at 08:24 #

    You and me both, Don!  Next week will be a great week to stop procrastinating.  Or maybe the week after….

  9. Casey 10/20/2013 at 09:59 #

    Too bad Hemingway lived eighty years too soon. He would’ve been all up on his fishing boat, drunkenly harassing Dos Passos via text message. #ohpapa

  10. Casey 10/20/2013 at 10:01 #

    Also, posting these comments is a great distraction from conquering some (sort of) big plot changes in my WIP. Yayyy

  11. Charlotte Dixon 10/20/2013 at 17:21 #

    Oh God, you are so right.  And no doubt Papa would love Twitter as well!

  12. Milli Thornton 10/22/2013 at 09:57 #

    Hilarious! How to Excel at Procrastination. There should be an impressive-looking certificate or a shiny medal for the winners.

  13. Charlotte Dixon 10/22/2013 at 10:43 #

    I like that idea, Milli!  Except I think I would win it.

  14. Charlotte Dixon 10/25/2013 at 09:32 #

    Love these! Thank you!

  15. Charlotte Dixon 10/25/2013 at 09:32 #

    Love it!

  16. Charlotte Dixon 10/25/2013 at 09:32 #

    Yes, and I’m waiting for you to quit working on your website and get back to that novel!

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