I'm struggling.
I'm having a hard time writing my next novel.
There, I've admitted it.
I, the one who constantly harangues you to write every day, to keep the momentum going by checking into your project on a daily basis, I, that very same person, am having a hell of a time working on my novel every day.
Don't get me wrong–I am writing every day. I get up every morning and write in my journal, I work on contracted projects, and I write a blog post every day. Oh, and I write stuff on social media, though I'm not sure we can say that really counts.
So I'm writing every day, and writing tons. It is just that I'm not doing what I love to do, what I feel I've been set on this earth to do (well, partially, because coaching writers and blogging about writing is definitely part of my mission). I'm ignoring my true love. And we all know what that means.
My true love is dying.
And that makes it even harder, because if a project feels like it is dying, than who wants to spend time with it? And so the vicious cycle gets established.
It is not that I don't have time for it. At great effort, I have carved out a bit. But during that time I am not writing. Instead, I am re-reading the first chapter repeatedly, telling myself how very brilliant it is. I make lists of things I should do for the novel (like, um, write it). I jot notes about potential scenes. Fill out character dossiers. Convince myself I need to go sit on my office chair and take a nap meditate about the overall arc of the plot.
All this is great, but it is not writing.
Yesterday, after reading–yet again–the first chapter, I realized it is because I'm second-guessing myself. I'm worrying about whether the work is good, whether than trusting the process. Of course it isn't good, it is a first draft! All it needs to be is enough to hang a story on. And it is.
So I've decided what is in order are some words from the wise, ie., me. It is time to coach myself with some tough love. Here's what I've come up with for my marching orders:
1. Remind Myself. Of what? That the last novel was once a first draft, too. Yesterday I scrounged around and found the original scene list I had written for Emma Jean's Bad Behavior. Shocking how different it was. Oh, the seeds of the finished novel were all there, but the original scenes I had laid out were very, very different. I found this comforting, because it reminded me that the process does, indeed, work.
2. Use the Time. What's been happening is that I get to my allotted novel-writing time and when something doesn't happen immediately, I feel guilty for wasting my time and make myself go spend it more gainfully. But creativity takes time, and when working with the large span of the novel, this is especially true. So I'm using the time I've set aside every day, even if it means staring off into space while thinking deep thoughts about the novel.
3. Turn off the Internet. Yeah, right. I hear this works well, but I wouldn't know, because it is not something I am constitutionally capable of achieving.
4. Short assignments. The novelist Darnell Arnoult talks about this. She advocates giving yourself short assignments about your characters or points in the plot. Stuff you can write in 15 minutes, but which will help you gain understanding of the project. I know this works because one of my short assignments made it into that brilliant first chapter which I have read and admired so many times.
So those are what I'm working with. Anybody want to take a turn coaching the coach and tell me what works for you?
Don
The feelings you describe are ones that we all experience as well. They certainly can be discouraging, but as you said, breaking things down into smaller projects can certainly turn what can be discouraging into something that is encouraging.
I like to use that method in a lot of situations including writing. I often think of the joke, “How do you eat an elephant? The answer: One spoonful at a time!”
I was determined to read the entire Bible all the way through, but I couldn’t imagine actually succeeding until I broke it down into bite sized chunks, as you suggested. Before I knew it, not only did I easily read through the whole book, but thanks to that method I’ve easily went on to read the entire 1.566 pages of my Bible over 400 times, as of last week! Mind you, I started many years ago, but the idea of reading that much would have been totally discouraging and I probaby would never have so much read it all the way through even once, had I not broken my reading into bite-sized chunks!
By breaking a big project, like a novel, down into smaller bite size chunks, it’s not only easier, but far less discouraging. Also, by doing it this way, you can look back and take great encouragement that you can take on any project, no matter how big it is. You just have to give yourself time and remind yourself that you did it before, and you can and will do it again!
Oh, it also helps sometimes to simply tell your inner critic, like my pesky Naggy Waggy, to just go and shut the hell up! It’s one way of helping to relieve some of the stress of writing the can discourage us to give upe.
One thing about little projects is that when they are completed, they help to encourage one to go on and do more little projects, which in time, all ends up to one big project not seeming that hard or big at all!
Patty - Why Not Start Now
I love it, Charlotte. We find so many ways to distract ourselves. Lately I’m thinking I have to go to a place with no internet connection to get anything done. It’s an addictive beast and I am trying oh so hard to draw better boundaries around it (ha, here I am on it!). The reason I don’t do twitter is because I’m convinced I simply could not handle it. I love this too: “creativity takes time.” Absolutely.
Karen
Wow, Charlotte. I both want to alleviate the pain (and I know from experience how frustrating it is to be in that place) and advise you, but … hm … I’m not so successful myself in the writing of long fiction. Writing fast and furious is one way to go. Relying on “real life” gifts (in that you weave in something from your actual life today or yesterday assuming it is “given” by the universe to you) into your novel is another. (As in the film “Stranger than Fiction”–loved it.) Or, novelist/teacher Ron Carlson says “do not get up from your chair for that next cup of coffee” (or anything else) which I think means you have to stay put until your word count for the day is met. Or you could look at the NaNoWriMo folks who have a strict (and very high) daily word count — which you produce no matter what! But, oh my. Where you are is “normal” and awful. My best wishes as you work through it.
Charlotte Dixon
Don, your story of reading the Bible a few pages a day 400 times is inspiring! Just proves what can be done. Hope that Naggy Waggy is treating you well.
Patty, you are right about the internet being an addictive beast. I love it so…and it is such a distraction. And Twitter is so much fun but OMG it is worse than anything!
Karen, so good to hear you chime in! I love Ron Carlson and today I followed his advice. I sat in my chair for my allotted time and what I came up with is a list of starts and prompts and things to do. So next time when I sit down I have a place to start off from.
Jessica
I’m working on using the ‘Remind Myself’ step as well – especially reminding myself of the wonders of editing. You can fix a multitude of problems during editing and polish a word until it shines, but only if the words are on the page. If there are no words, then editing tends to have no effect.
The best piece of advice I found for this point in a novel was given me by my brother. He said, “It’s a first draft. You can do no wrong.”
I also remind myself that in the process of writing your draft, you’ll most likely happen on something which will lead you in a new direction or fix a problem you were grappling with. But it only happens during the act of writing.
(It’s nice to know you struggle with these things too.)
Christi
Charlotte,
What worked for me is doing exactly what you’re currently doing. I put it off, thought about it a lot, then one day everything just burst forth and flew from my brain to my fingertips to the screen.
It was worth all the angst and worry.
Christi
Charlotte Dixon
Jessica, I think you read my mind, I just finished a post on the writing process–ie, writing rough drafts. Love your comment that it is hard to edit if there’s no words on the page! And thanks, I figured it was better to be transparent than to pretend I never struggle with blocks.
Christi, I am hoping this same thing will happen to me! I dreamed I was pregnant last night, so my subconscious is clearly telling me it is gestating something! Thanks for the encouragement.
Lauri
Hi Charlotte, turning off the internet does help, although it’s really hard to do. I sometimes make myself limits, like I’m only allowed to check email and facebook on the hour, or ten times a day (which is better than 40), or only after I’ve edited a chapter.
Charlotte Dixon
Oh lord, I find turning off the internet the hardest thing to do. I try to do the same thing you mention–check it only at prescribed times, but it is such a temptation, that is difficult for me. The times I am able to turn it off I get so much more done. Sigh.