This Is It
I had an epiphany this weekend.
I just love me an epiphany, especially when it makes me feel happy and in love with the world again. Not that I had fallen out of love with it. Well, maybe a little. Given a few little ups and downs and my anger at the idiots people who are running the country. (Note: I'm not pointing fingers at either side here, I'm fed up with the whole lot of them.)
So, anyway, the epiphany. It came, actually, thanks to my ego. That wondrous entity that really loves to point out to me that I am not thin enough, rich enough, successful enough, perfect enough, enough enough. My friend the ego especially likes to point these things out when I am feeling most out-of-love-with-the-worldish.
This weekend, when I was in the middle of journal writing, my ego whispered, "what if this is it?"
But the intent behind that whisper was: "what if this is it, if this is all you get, you stupid idiot. What if this is it and you'll never achieve the success you desire, never get your novel published, never accomplish the things on your intention list that you read every morning…." Like that.
And that was when the miracle happened. Because sometimes epiphanies, when they are accompanied by that wonderful sense of letting go, feel like miracles. The miracle was this: I realized, that indeed, this is it.
And that this is it is wonderful. And all I need.
Because this is it is amazing and perfect and miraculous. My this is it features a huge loving family, a charming little house with a yard full of flowers, a career I love with clients I adore, travel, a life devoted to writing and sharing it, a crusty, stinky old pug and two fat cats, sunshine and rain and the chance to live in one of the greatest small cities in the world.
And more, so much more:
Clean water that comes out of a tap, two strong legs to carry me on a walk every morning, an active brain and interesting things to focus it on, hands to engage in writing and making things, friends and colleagues and a whole other family at my church.
My this is it is nothing short of a flippin' full-on miracle.
And anything else that I get is icing on the cake.
What does your this is it look like?
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Zan Marie
Charlotte, this is it and it’s amazing! Sometimes we have to step back and count the blessings. I have a wonderful husband who supports my writing and is amazed by the little things I learn along the way, a good family, a great church. I was able to retire early with enough to live on and I get to write anything I want to. Who could want more? ; )
Charlotte Dixon
You summed it all up right there, Zan Marie. Such good fortune in our lives!
J.D. Frost
I have income, a beautiful wife, a son I love, and a place to sleep. I am truly thankful for all that I have. But if this is it, I’m pissed. I’m just not done and I’m stopping here.
Charlotte Dixon
Oh J.D., I always love your viewpoint on things. So what else is it that you want? Publication of one of your wonderful mystery novels?
J.D. Frost
Hi, Charlotte. Yes, I want one of my novels published. There’s a vacancy sign hanging on my soul. I’m pretty sure selling one of my novels won’t fill it, at least not all of it, but that’s what I’m after. I think all of us have that void. Don’t you? I don’t know exactly what fills it. For now, I’m writing and searching for an agent.
Charlotte Dixon
J.D., good way to put it–vacancy sign on your soul. Question: if publishing the novel won’t fill it, what will? That is the question to answer. And, by the way, if you have any tips for finding an agent, could you please share them? I see the process, at this point, as a total crap shoot.
Jenny
As usual you express what is important so well, Charlotte. I am blessed and should be a card-carrying member of the “never complain” club. But I’m with J.D. … I was born to strive. I’ve never had a day when I did not feel the hunger and the urgency to communicate via the written word. If I could finish a novel (actually my memoir), let alone see it published, I feel certain I would be within spitting distance of this is it. But I don’t know because as of now that’s not even a speck on the horizon. Of all the things for which I am thankful, perhaps I am most grateful that where there is life, there is hope.
Charlotte Dixon
Hey, Jenny, I think that a lot of happiness and contentment comes from knowing yourself, and if you know that you’re a striver, you’ll be unhappy if you’re not striving. Right? I think that makes a strange kind of sense!
Peter @ luxury villas goa
Loved the second para of your article about the ego. The ego can put a person into a lot of trouble. It needs to be controlled.
Charlotte Dixon
Ah yes, our friend the ego. Some people think it can be controlled to the point where we are egoless, like certain spiritual figures (though, honestly, I can’t think of any). But most people believe that we do need the ego in order to make it through our days and interact successfully with the world. I agree with the latter group, with the caveat that we understand the ego has a very specific role in our lives and we don’t always need to pay attention to its incessant squawking.